I should be pleased. I should be singing praises, but alas, I am not. I am angry, concerned, and worried. I have no one to share my pain with. My sweet lover and brother, Jaime, is away from me. I have not forgotten him, nor will I ever. The Lady Stark has kept him my prisoner. My Jaime is dirty and in chains. He is the uncle of the King. He should not be treated as thus. I hate them all and I want them to pay for these unspeakable crimes. Yet, I know why this is happening.
I do believe that this is payment for our cruel sins. We, too, have done unspeakable things. I think about the murderous lives we have led. We have killed people to hide our secret. What good is that now? We have never had honour. We have only done things to ensure that we came out on top. Now, King’s Landing is paying the price. Our people are sick and dying. Money is running out and Stannis Baratheon is heading our way. I wanted my father as the Hand of the King, but he sends my imp brother, Tyrion instead. He is not the sight I want to see daily. He is wise, but I trust him not. I want him to suffer, but I feel that he does know what he is doing at times.
My son, Joffrey, breaks my heart daily. I hoped he would be a strong and wise king. I had hoped he would have been better than Robert. We had the upperhand for the longest time and then he went and killed Ned Stark. I could have struck him right then and there. How could he have done that? This was his mercy. The sweet dove, Sansa even begged for his life. What King kills his betrothed’s father? We would have won completely, if he was not so cruel and vain. He listens to me not. Sometimes, I could ring his neck. I thought he would be like his father, Jaime. I truly did. I thought he would be vain, sarcastic, but an amazing night. As conceited as Jaime is, he does have honour. He makes wise choices and he is my perfect soulmate. He is my other half, but I feel that it will no longer be meant to be.
These nights are long and I feel like I cannot make it. When I am alone, in the solitude of my room, I cry. I know no one can see me. I am alone and dead to the world. This has not gone as I have planned. I feel like we are sinking. This is truly the payment for our many sins. Shall we ever see the light of day?